"Operators Are (Still) Standing By" by Steve Provizer

Last summer, inspired by the alliance between Sony and the Miles Davis estate which offered a mouthpiece replica, t-shirts and other fascinating items, we created our own Louis Armstrong Simulacrum Kit. And, we couldn't keep 'em in stock!

Always eager to satisfy the insatiable jazz consumer, we have again forged a metaheuristic liaison with a clutch of Ukranian businessmen and created The Deluxe Charlie Parker Simulacrum Kit, which allows you to really "get next" this greatest of jazz improvisers. It includes:

1. A dental x-ray showing Bird's "upper partials."  
2. A yardbird wing from 1941, preserved in formaldehyde.
3. A wheel from the band bus that probably crushed it.
4. A bottle of Gordon's gin salvaged from the wreckage of the old Birdland, with a letter of provenance from Willy's Liquor Store on 44th St.
5. An early brochure from the Camarillo Chamber of Commerce
6. A box of Dean Benedetti out-takes (so unlistenable that even Ross Russell wouldn't release them, but still...)
7. One oboe reed with a imbedded Mitch Miller moustache hair.

And, for the first 20 buyers, we will throw in shards from the cymbal thrown by Jo Jones in an infamous jam session incident (verification pending).

So act now. Our 'operators' are standing by.

And, as we always say, "it's not re-animation, but it's pretty damn close."