Dog Days Cliche Examination

Here's a glib little test designed to help pass the lonely hours. Apologies to Flann O'Brien.



Circle the appropriate cliche (Key at bottom of post):

We've past Midsummer Night and the Well of Inspiration has :
1) Stained my plus fours
2) sunk to contrabass clarinet range
3) evaporated
4) Found a new baby in a 5 &10 cent store.

In these trying economic times, it behooves each of us to:
1) Organize for political change
2) Tighten our belts
3) Blame Obama
4) Bootleg more music

The only thing we have to fear is:
1) A Bachman-Paul ticket
2) The Millionaire Matchmaker
3) Fear itself
4) Smooth jazz

All for one and:
1) One for the money
2) For the show
3) To get ready
4) Blow cat, blow

All work and no play:
1) Perpetuates income inequality
2) Equals a bad G.B. gig
3) Makes Jack a dull boy
4) Is no way to make a living

When the going gets tough, the tough:
1) Kill a Facebook farm animal
2) Shop for a new mouthpiece
3) Learn all the verses to "A Hard Rain's Gonna Fall"
4) Play Qbeez

If handguns were illegal:
1) None of the below
2) Crossbows would make a comeback
3) Only criminals would have them
4) White supremacist militias would elevate the circle jerk to a fine art


Key=With everyone's self-esteem in such a fragile state (and with my lawyers baying at my heels),  I hereby state there are no wrong answers. You all get a gold star.

Comfort-Food Jazz by Steve Provizer

As Flann O'Brien once wrote, in "At-Swim-Two-Birds":


"When things go wrong and will not come right,
Though you do the best you can,
When life seems black as the hour of night,
A pint of plain is your only man."


Well, the man was an alcoholic, so his RX for the blues was a little narrow.


Jazz may not be the magic elixir. It may not make the lame strap on roller blades. It may not even make ugly people look better at closing time, but still we turn to it for succor.


In this needy state, you may find your choices are less adventurous than usual. If it was food you chose to fill the hole in your soul, you might pass on the escargots and go for the beef stew. It's it's music, you might opt for cozy over adventurous-at least I do. What do I want for my "comfort jazz"? Allowing myself the obligatory ten choices:


Mulligan, Getz and Brookmeyer together.
Late Billie Holiday
Early Ellington
Coltrane's Crescent
Miles on Prestige
Dizzy singing
Clifford's "Ghost of a Chance"
King Pleasure
Ella doing ballads during the 50's
Eldridge-"After You've Gone"

What's your jazz for solace?