Oldham (Todd) In The Ozarks

"Or maybe your granny (great-granny?) was a weathered-but-gorgeous sharecropper, a Dust Bowl refugee in frayed frock and battered boots, only-wait! what if those boots were splattered with glitter?"

Sunday New York Times Style Magazine

                                         
"Damn heels." Granny was trying to weed the beans when one of our gopher holes intervened. "Pa, I told you to flush out those varmints and fill up the holes!"

"Be right with you, sweetie. Just trying to decide if these jeans ride too high in the crotch."

"Stop preening and get out here! God, my things are a mess. You'd think Gucci would find a way to dust-proof its purses."

"Stop frettin'. Next time I go to town I'll see what they have for clutches in Zeke's General Store."

"With that old nag laid up with the dropsy, it'll be a while before anyone gets back into town."

"Damn, that means we won't be able to pick up this month's Harper's Bazaar."

"Pooh. There's nothin' in there you can't see in Potato Grower's Weekly."

"Well, who's a little snippy? Just because that burlap frock of yours showed up in a J.C. Penney's ad."

"Like to know what Martha what's-her-name got for designing that."

"Honey, it'll be a hot day in I.J. Fox's mink storage vault the day she can slop 10 pigs and do what you do with a can of spam."

"You're sweet. Hand me that bucket of glitter, will you?

"Wait, you're not planning to...?"

"Yes I am, you old fuddy-duddy."

"But honey, a dozen designers slaved for months to achieve that shade of puce. And 6 Bangladeshis spent two weeks hand-applying 10 coats of lacquer to the vinyl. "

"I don't care, pa. It's mostly covered with cow manure anyway and I need a little sizzle in my life."

"But glitter? It's so--louche!"

"Just because nobody else in the dust bowl has done it before doesn't make it wrong."

"Oh, honey, that's why I married you. (That and your pa's shotgun). You always were out in front of the rest of the pack."

"Like to see those rubes next door try to measure up to our standards."

"Too late for that now. The sheriff took 'em away after they missed their sharecrop payment."

"I know. I offered to lend her my Chanel suit for the trip to Leavenworth, but she just gave me a blank look."

"Most of these Okies couldn't tell the difference between Prada and Pravda."

"That's a good one, pa, but let's get going. If we move fast, we can patch that hole in the ceiling with last week's Style section before the next tornado and still have time for that skin peel we promised each other."

"Honey, have I told you lately you're weathered but gorgeous?"

"Come on, lover. let's go take a hard look at the crotch on those jeans."

National Rock Association (NRA)

http://nyti.ms/14kaYCs

Recently, controversy has arisen over our efforts to introduce young people to the joys of rock throwing. Many of us in the NRA grew up in urban environments with an large indigenous supply of rocks and ample, safe targets that could be used by young people for healthy sport. It is our responsibility to pass on the joys of rock throwing to the next generation and, in the process, give our youth the chance to develop the kinds of physical, mental and ethical skills that will serve them so well later in life. 

We know that this healthy, deeply American process is being threatened, but we won't sit back and let that happen.

Instead, we have raised money to purchase abandoned factories and made the windows available for target practice. We have brought thousands of de-commissioned street lights to our compounds so that young people can exercise their minds and bodies in the same way that ancient Greeks would train to throw the javelin. 



We have designed a fabrication system that quickly renders a realistic 3-D target of the thrower's brothers and sisters. This adds verisimilitude to the process and our psychologists say it can help defuse sibling rivalries. 

There are ignorant people who don't know the difference between a hand rock, a hunting stone and an assault boulder and it is the misplaced moral judgements of these pathetic liberals that threatens to force rock throwing into a dark, uncontrolled underworld environment, where the building of satanic stone cairns and altars can flourish. 

Finally, we have begun stockpiling rocks as a necessary hedge against secret governmental plans to confiscate all rocks. We can and will fight this threat. The hulking monster that is our government daily threatens our precious independence, but we must take inspiration from the biblical story of Davis and Goliath; a story that shows us the continuing need to defend our right to bear rocks.

Trademarking Jazz™

A Sunday New York Times ad for the Blue Note club in NYC lists: "Dizzy Gillespie™ Alumni All-Stars."

Ya gotta ask, why has Dizzy's name been trademarked? I suppose if the entire band's name was trademarked it might constitute a healthy trend; that there are rival Alumni All-star groups out there and enough loose cash at stake that one of them needs to get the imprimatur of Dizzy's estate to fend off the pretender. But it's only Dizzy's name with the trademark sign.

Is there a miscreant out there passing himself off as the late and much lamented maestro? Doesn't ring true. Has the Gillespie estate been purchased by Disney, officious propagator of copyright litigation to protect the images of Mickey and Goofy?

Not exactly. After a little research, this showed up: "As the exclusive licensing agent for Dizzy Gillespie, CMG Worldwide is dedicated to maintaining and developing a positive brand image for our client. We actively seek out commercial opportunities that are consistent with our brand positioning goals."

Indianapolis-based CMG Worldwide has a long list of famous clients, from Mark Twain and Jack Dempsey to Benny Goodman. CMG is a tireless protector (lobbyist) for the rights of the estates of dead celebrities.

I'm not opening up a debate about the length of copyright protection here. That's its own can of worms. I'm talking about the question of extending the realm of "protection" into more and more areas. 

Should a musician's estate collect royalties on recordings and compositions? Definitely. Should they collect on t-shirt sales? Debatable, but should they collect when a band includes the name of the dead performer? Should they collect for the thousands of "Tribute" pages dotting the 'net? How did the "Mark Twain Tribute Cruise" and the Benny Goodman Centennial Tribute" slip through the cracks un-trademarked? Someone at CMG needs to be knuckle-rapped.

We know the importance his wife Lorraine had in Dizzy's life and career and she deserved to reap the creative results of same. She's been gone since 2005, the same year CMG picked up the contract. Diz was survived by a daughter and grandson and I assume that ASCAP, BMI and whoever owns Verve, DeGee Records, etc. are still paying off the family. If not, let loose the lawyers.

As far as "protection" beyond that, though, I truly believe that Diz would be the last person to sic lawyers on people using his name as part of their own creative efforts. As to whether or not a particular use fulfills CMG's credo as "maintaining and developing a positive brand image," I believe Diz would just say, in that silky crankcase voice of his, "I think we'll just let the people decide who the real Dizzy Gillespie is."