In honor of Frank Zappa's birthday, here are my lyrics to "Peaches En Regalia" (every note).
Wednesday, December 21, 2022
Peaches For Zappa
Friday, July 22, 2022
Taking the Sting out of Climate Change: "Summertime"
If I'm to be dragged into the fires of Hades while I'm still alive, I'll take this one along. Originally composed as a recurring aria for "Porgy and Bess," It's been taken in a wide variety of tempos and re-harmonized in some pretty radical ways. Yet, probably because of the strength of the melody, it retains its, well, Summertime-i-tude. All credit to George Gershwin and lyricist DuBose Heyward.
There's a widespread notion about Gershwin having been influenced by a Ukranian song. Wikipedia says: "The Ukrainian-Canadian composer and singer Alexis Kochan has suggested that he based the tune on a Ukrainian lullaby, Oi Khodyt Son Kolo Vikon (A Dream Passes By The Windows)." Thanks very much to Anton for sending me Nina Matvienko’s version of that song: http://chirb.it/NExMH2. There are some similarities...
The
Summertime Connection, a small international group of collectors has more than 30,000 full recordings of “Summertime,” but herein I offer a mere six examples. My criteria for choosing them was (1)
how far away it ranges from the original and (2) how much I like it. Let's
start off with a version of the original, performed by Harolyn Blackwell:
Billie Holiday had popular success with her version:
Ella and Louis, of course:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkJiiJsZplc
Gil Evans arrangement with Miles Davis (with alternate take):
Janis Joplin live:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bn5TNqjuHiUAnd Coltrane:
Thursday, October 7, 2021
Lost New Orleans
Musicians
One-Nostril Clyde
Toothpick Willie
Joseph 'Vaseline' Brunelle
Clyde 'Ofal' Pivnik
L'il Chicklets
Big Sluice
Leroy 'Creampie' Shavely
Melatonin Slim
Rufus 'Cutacle' Scaline
Buzz The Flea
Girdle and Griddlecakes Duffy(Siamese twins)
Oleander 'Sniffles' Zampa
Two-Crack Max Figgis
Langdon 'Crabcakes' Beaudoin
Joints
Sweetie Pie's Monodrome
Mamie's Mantis Hideaway
Queen Lillie's Nectar trap
Pookie's Natural Foods
Betty's Both-Ways Cabaret
Rita's Donuts and Crullers
Musical Organizations
Krispy Taylor's Trudgers
Juan San Juan and His Coffin Twirlers
Harry Ruby and the Minyon-aires
Clyde Baleen and the Super Sieve Six
The South Rampart St. Rhythm Manglers
Ollie's Watchfob Handlers
Louis The Greek's Menthol Stompers
Colonel Butt's Aftertaste Ragtime Orchestra
Ben Bichette's Trough Scrapers
Wednesday, December 30, 2020
Jazz Resolutions for 2021
So far, we've had a 100% failure rate with our end-of-year resolutions, and I see no reason this year should be any different. In fact, especially this year.
If you should wish to reach me, I'll be curled up in a corner, trying to figure out the difference between LinkedIn and Alignable.
This Year's Resolutions:
- Open myself to the wonderful world of Tribute Bands.
- Kickstarter campaign for my chops transplant operation.
- Still have 8 "Giant Steps" keys left to learn.
- Outsource hologram of Jabbo Smith.
- Stockpile valve oil, before OPEC gets back its leverage.
- Resurrect career of Hal McKusick.
- Finish monograph on sepia-ofay combinations.
- Re-make “Bolden.”
- Continue not to post Miles Davis photos on social media.
- [Fill this space-contact author for price list].
Monday, December 21, 2020
The Worst Xmas Tunes
This is not to knock the idea of hearing songs befitting the season. There are some that retain their charm despite being in heavy rotation decade after decade-mostly the religious ones, not the secular ones, although "The Christmas Song" as sung by Nat King Cole and Judy Garland's version of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" are hard not to like.
The fact that the ones I list below are still disturbing the ether is beyond me. And why didn't "(Everyone's Waitin' For) the Man With the Bag" and "I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas" get more traction? Even the best efforts of the Institute cannot elucidate this phenomenon.
So:
"Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" (Brenda? Come on)
"Santa Claus is Comin' To Town" (intimidation for the kids)
"Jingle Bell Schlock-sorry-Rock"
"It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" (Meredith Wilson. you've done a lot better)
"A Holly Jolly Christmas" (If Burl Ives can't make this work, who can?)
"Santa Baby" (Really, Eartha?)
"Feliz Navidad" (It would be nice to have one in Spanish. So much great music down there and we end up with this. )
"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" (no comment)
Special mention to "Let It Snow Let it Snow Let it Snow" for the most repetitious title and the most arcane harmonic modulations.
And, just so you don't leave in a bad mood, here's Louis Armstrong doing "Cool Yule.
Monday, October 12, 2020
Music and Political Agita
One thing both Biden and Trump voters seem to agree on is that there’s a lot at stake in this election. The degree of partisanship itself signals how much everyone is worried about the results. Of course, the more partisan you are, the more likely you are to believe that only your side has due cause for concern. The degree to which you accept the idea that someone on the other side has a right to be concerned is the degree to which you accept them as fully human. If you can take a breath and step back from this combative environment, you’ll see there’s kind of an ironic symmetry in this situation and that there are probably emotions that people on both sides are experiencing.
There may not be a lot of overlap in the musical tastes of Biden and Trump adherents, but music does address at least some of the emotions at play. I’ve been experiencing a complex and wearisome welter of emotions and have tried to choose some tunes that reflect the way this is playing out in my gut. I hope some of it resonates with you and that after this near-civil war, music will offer a way for us to find some common ground.
Wednesday, September 30, 2020
Stormy Daniels: Super-Heroine
If you're basing a comic book and an animated cartoon series on a sex scandal, who are you gonna choose for your hero? Will it be the always frisky ex-Presidential contender Gary Hart? Jerry Falwell, Jr. and his ménage a trois? What about basing it on humiliated family values and abstinence crusader Representative Mark Souder?
The eventual winner, it turns out, easily outpaces Hart, Falwell, Mills and their tawdry peccadilloes. For that heroine is none other than Stormy Daniels, adult film star and real-life antagonist of a man easily cast as evil overlord: D. Trump.
The publisher, TidalWave Comics, describes its brainchild Stormy Daniels: Space Force this way: “Captain Stormy Daniels commands the for-hire U.R.E. Helix, a United Republic of Earth starship. Led by OrDon, a self-proclaimed “very stable genius” and Ruler for Infinity, the U.R.E. seeks to exploit the galaxy’s untapped riches with little regard for who – or what – is out there…Only Captain Daniels, her second-in-command, Dax, her droids, and the mysterious alien, Munch, can save us.”
Co-creator Stormy is excited: “What girl doesn't want to be a sexy comic book character?! I never thought in a million years this dream would come true much less that it would turn out so amazingly! I am so excited to share Space Force with everyone...and not just because it will piss off you-know-who!”
The question we must ask, however, is whether this will actually piss off you-know-who. History says otherwise. The entire sordid tale, one would have thought, might have been enough to penetrate the armor of Trump and his voters. The source of the $130,000 in hush money Daniels was paid by Trump’s attorney Michael Cohen is still not accounted for and may have come from the campaign fund. Trump and co. colluded with National Enquirer owner American Media to keep the story out of the media. A California judge ordered Trump to pay Daniels' legal fees as the prevailing party. None of this made a dent and the fact that Trump was an adulterer, of course, isn’t even an important part of the story. Oh Evangelists, where art thou?
We will see if Stormy Daniels: Space Force is a worthwhile scion of venerable adult comics by the likes of Ralph Bakshi, Larry Welz or R. Crumb. I have a feeling it’s likelier to be closer to Playboy magazine’s Little Annie Fanny and Penthouse 's Oh Wicked Wanda. Still, in an era where humor is circumscribed in the extreme, I welcome something with at least a whiff of transgression. And to be honest, I am curious about that mysterious alien, Munch.
Sunday, June 28, 2020
TOP 10 explanations for the Endless Flow of Miles Davis Photos
Is any one else astonished at the endless succession of Miles Davis photographs? There simply can't have been this many photos of Miles taken during the 65 years of his life. The staff of the Institute has been avidly, even doggedly hunting down the source of this endless fount and has come up with:
THE TOP TEN explanations for the endless flow of Miles Davis photos.
- New Drilling in the Arctic
- Advances in dowsing
- Final accounting of Jimmy Hoffa’s crypt
- Venus in retrograde
- Pandemic-inspired cleaning
- Excavations at Stonehenge
- New Lojack add-on
- Milk carton campaign
- “Dark Matter” revealed
- Uri Geller is back!
Tuesday, June 16, 2020
Music Biz Post-COVID
The future of the music industry is very uncertain. Everyone's crystal ball is cloudy, but
I would refer people to my commentary HERE. Your comments on that page are welcome.
Wednesday, April 8, 2020
Jazz Snacks

Jack the Gummy Bear
Junior Cook Mints
Chick Webb-lets
Almond Joy Spring
Twix Beiderbecke
Pete Jolly Ranchers
Tootie Heath Bars
James Reese Europe Cups
Bit-O-Honey-In-The-Horn
Bentyne Chewing Gum
Charleston Chew Chasers
Baby Dodds Ruth
Wee Dots
Good and Plenty o' Nuthin'
Eddie Lock-Jaw Breakers
Milk Dud Bascombs
Jeepers Creepers Where'd You Get Those Peeps
Pez Prados
So, spin your wax of Bill Evans' Waltz for Little Debby and Stan Getz's Hershey Bar and wash it all down with a bottle of Chateau Neuf de Pops-bell shaped tones with a poetic nose and a hint of okra. Next day, don't forget your dose of Swiss Kriss.
Sunday, March 29, 2020
Covid-19 April Fool’s Prep Kit
Saturday, March 28, 2020
Great Pre-1930 Jazz Tunes
People will know some of the names in the list, but I'm sure many more individuals and bands will be unfamiliar. Do yourselves a favor and check out what these musicians have to offer. All of the songs on the list are available online. They are in no particular order.