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Monday, February 28, 2011

Unions-Bah! What Are They Good For?

This past weekend, the motley musical crowd I play with-The Second Line Social Aid Pleasure Society Brass Band (SLSAPS)- played at a rally at the MA State House in support of Wisconsin unions-and unions everywhere(put into decent context here) and at a rally for the Student Farmworker Alliance and the Coalition of Immokalee Workers.

Maybe it was being around so many scrufulous people, or trying to play with frozen chops, but the whole weekend really turned around my attitude about unions. So, despite my ambivalence about such lists, I ask you to hearken unto my top 10 reasons why we just don't need unions anymore:
  1. No one's gonna tell me I can only work 8 hours a day.
  2. When my kid works, I want her to know the real meaning of money-no minimum wage for her!
  3. From 1990-2003, CEO salaries went up 272%, workers' went up 8%-definitive proof of basic Darwinian precepts (apart from Evolution, of course).
  4. Collective bargaining? Who came up with that idea? No matter how big or small the company, the CFO is always happy to individually negotiate your personal salary and benefits-and without any possible recriminations. Try it!
  5. I'm sure we would have had Social Security anyway.
  6. Workers in unions get 30% higher pay. Why should anyone without an MBA make more than me?
  7. If the average person made more, they'd just blow it on video games and condoms.
  8. Incomprehensible logos. 
  9. Calling each other "Brother" and "sister"- I mean, really.
  10. If left to their own devices, businesses-like banks-will certainly do the right thing by their workers.

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