Top 50 JAzz Blog

Monday, March 23, 2020

Beware Social Distancing Offenders: the Oblivi-Ometer is Here!

At last-a new weapon in the war against the spread of COVID-19: the Oblivi-Ometer! This vital invention is guaranteed to give accurate readings of any citizen’s self-delusion/ego-driven resistance to recognizing the threat of a pandemic. And to do something about it!

Some elements of design remain classified, but we can reveal that the system was built utilizing loading coils in parallel with reruns of Meet The Press to analyze the size of inauguration crowds. The Oblivio-Meter can now penetrate even the thickest skulls and if the meter shows obliviousness readings above a certain level, a shock from Central Headquarters can be delivered, knocking some sense into the subject’s stupid cranium.

Don’t you just wish?


Will McMillan said...

Love the idea of an oblivi-meter. Still needed here in Arlington as runners/bikers wearing no protective masks continue to huff and puff past well-masked walkers on the Minuteman bike trail...

Steve Provizer said...

Thanks, Will. The need for this device is widespread.