Top 50 JAzz Blog

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

The Jazz Seduce-O-Meter (updated)

Friends, I have seen the error of my ways and apologize for the sarcastic tone of my recent post on the scientific link between sex and jazz. Looking back at my own experience dispassionately, I see there is in fact a clear link between people's sex lives and their musical taste. "Getz-Gilberto" is guaranteed to get anyone into your bed faster and more efficiently than, say, Black Flag. That is statistically indisputable. 

So, in the spirit of stretching this scientific inquiry to the breaking point, I have created "The Jazz Seduce-O-Meter"-JSOM-designed to help you maximize your musical dollar in order to fully leverage the sexiness of the jazz mystique. Your goal is to reach 10 points. Ten points guarantees results. Understand that each Jazz Seduce-O-Meter must be tailored to your specific demographic**. 

Here is the Boomer version (abridged): 
Bossa Nova: +4 
Miles Davis Birth of the Cool: +3 
Miles Davis Kind of Blue: +4 
Miles Davis muted, playing ballads: +3 
Any other Miles: -4 
Sinatra w. Dorsey: +3 
Sinatra w. Stordahl: +3  
Sinatra w. Paul Anka: -10 
Coltrane w. Johnny Hartman: +4  
Coltrane Ballads: +3 
Any other Coltrane: -5 
Organ Trios: -2 
ECM Records: +2 
Bill Evans: +3 
Anything "With Strings:" -1 
Third Stream Music: +-0 
Avant-garde jazz of any kind: -10 

**Keep your eye on your demographic. A knowledgeable source sends this warning: GIlberto doesn't work with punker chicks.

Mix and match as much as you like, just stay away from the negative numbers and please! Avoid those screeching saxophones at all cost. Let us know whether the Jazz Seduce-O-Meter has worked for you! All we ask here at Seduction Central is that you not name your first born "Cannonball."

No comments: